Guys Who Hit Their Girlfriends Funny

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You've met the perfect guy, but perhaps something seems off about him. Maybe you've dated an abusive man in the past, and you're worried it'll happen again. While an abusive man will try to hide his true behavior at first, it's possible to see through his facade so you can protect yourself. You deserve to feel loved and supported by your partner, so don't accept a man who doesn't treat you well.

1. 1

   Take a step back if your relationship is moving quickly. A whirlwind romance may feel like a fairytale, but it's usually just an illusion that might be a sign of future violence. Abusive men often play the perfect partner at first, and they'll try to sweep you off your feet. Notice if your new man is pushing you to commit to him right away or declares his love way too soon. These are often red flags that something is wrong.^[1]

   • For instance, he may want to be exclusive after the first date or might propose after only a few months of dating.
   • You might also notice that he's referring to you as his "love" or "wife" even though you've just started dating.

2. 2

   Be wary if he gets jealous all of the time. You might think that jealousy is a sign of passion, but it's actually caused by insecurity. While it's normal to feel jealous every now and then, an abusive man will get jealous all of the time. Listen to see if he uses the word "jealous" a lot or gets mad when other guys talk to you. Additionally, take note if he peppers you with questions about what you're doing when he's not around.^[2]

   • He might say things like, "I get jealous when other guys talk to you," "Why is that guy looking at you? He needs to mind his business," or "Who was that on the phone?"
   • He may give excuses like, "I'm jealous because I love you," or "You're making me jealous." However, his behavior is absolutely not okay.
   • Jealousy might not be a big deal at first, but it will likely lead to controlling behavior down the line.

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3. 3

   Watch for negative responses to criticism, even when it's constructive. Everyone makes mistakes, and there's always room for improvement. However, men who are abusive may be hypersensitive to criticism and may get insulted easily. Pay attention to how your guy reacts to feedback, criticism, and even playful jokes. If he often gets upset, it could be a red flag.^[3]

   • Let's say your man is late picking you up, and you say, "I was getting worried." A normal response might be, "Sorry, I got caught in traffic." An abusive guy might get upset and say something like, "I'm a busy man! You're so ungrateful!"

4. 4

   Monitor your feelings to see if you're afraid of him. Your partner should be a comfort to you, so it's a big red flag if he scares you. Notice if you feel like you can't share your honest thoughts with him or if you feel like you have to keep secrets. Similarly, consider if you alter your behavior when you're around him to avoid setting him off. These are surefire signs that something is wrong in your relationship.^[4]

   • Let's say he asks you out for Saturday night, but you already have plans with your friends. If you're afraid he'll blow up at you for telling him you can't see him, it might be a sign he's abusive.
   • Similarly, you might find yourself keeping it a secret when you work with your male coworker that he doesn't like or going along with what he wants to do even though you want to do something else.

5. 5

   Notice if he always blames others and plays a victim. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, but an abusive man will often try to shift blame to others. Take note if he blames his exes for his past relationship failing. Additionally, consider if he encounters a lot of bad luck at work, at school, and in his personal life. Eventually, he may start blaming you for why he mistreats you, which it totally unfair.^[5]

   • He might say things like, "I just can't catch a break," "My boss just hates me," or "I'm only yelling because you won't listen to me."
   • When he talks about past relationships, he'll say things like, "My ex was crazy," or "My ex made me miserable."

6. 6

   Watch for entitled behavior to see if he feels superior to others. In a healthy relationship, both partners are equal. However, an abusive man will think he's superior to you, even if he doesn't say it outright. You might be able to spot a superiority complex by watching for signs he feels entitled to things he didn't earn. Listen to see if he justifies taking things he doesn't necessarily deserve.^[6]

   • He may say, "I don't know why they gave the promotion to Alex. I deserve it," "I'm going to try to score an extra drink ticket. I shouldn't have to pay for the bar," or "I can't believe my mom sent me less cash for my birthday this year."

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1. 1

   Watch for signs he's keeping track of everything you do. Even when you're in love, you still get to maintain your independence. Your man absolutely shouldn't be tracking your every move. Be wary if he seems to always know where you are or he questions your every move. It's possible he's trying to control you, which can be a sign he's abusive.^[7]

   • It may seem really sweet at first. He could say things like, "What's your schedule tomorrow?" or "Tell me everything you did today." Eventually, this may progress to things like, "Where are you right now?" or "Text me a pic of where you are."
   • It's okay for your guy to show an interest in your day. However, he shouldn't press you to tell him everything, and you shouldn't have to tell him where you are every minute.

2. 2

   Pay attention if he starts telling you what to wear or do. At first, you might think it's cute that your man asks you to wear certain outfits or suggests things he thinks you should do. However, this can quickly turn ugly and is often a sign the guy might be abusive. Don't let your guy control your outfits, your schedule, your interests, or anything else you do.^[8]

   • In the beginning, he may tell you, "I prefer how you look in dresses," or "I want you to dress up when I see you." Similarly, he could tell you, "I don't think it's the right time for you to start your degree," or "Why would you go for a promotion if it's going to take you away from me?" While this may seem nice at first, it's best to take a step back and reconsider if this guy is right for you.

3. 3

   Be wary if he makes you feel guilty when he doesn't get his way. While it's okay to make small sacrifices for someone you love, you shouldn't be expected to accommodate your man all of the time. Unfortunately, an abusive man may try to manipulate you into doing what he wants by making you feel guilty. Don't let your guy guilt you for standing up for your own needs.^[9]

   • Let's say he wants to go out on Saturday, but you already have plans. He may respond with, "I guess you just don't love me enough," or "I didn't think I'd have to spend my nights alone anymore, but I guess I was wrong."

4. 4

   Don't let him isolate you from friends and family. Your friends and family are your support system, and chances are they have your best interests in mind. Generally, your loved ones are a threat to an abusive man because they can help you get away from him. Reconsider your relationship if your man is trying to keep you away from friends and family. You should be able to maintain relationships with them.^[10]

   • At first, he might trash talk your family and friends, saying things like, "Your friends are so mean to you," "I don't like that your mom questions our relationship," or "It seems like your sister is jealous of you and doesn't want you to be happy." He's saying these things to drive a wedge between you and your loved ones.
   • Later, he might make rules about who you can contact or spend time with.

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1. 1

   Be wary if he yells at you. A good partner will speak to you with respect, so it's not okay for your man to yell at you. This type of behavior is wrong whether you're in a fight or just having a normal conversation. Have a talk with him to see if he's willing to work on the problem. If he continues to yell or denies it, there's a chance he might be an abusive man.^[11]

   • You could say, "You might not notice this, but you yell a lot when you're frustrated. It really scares me, and I'd like for you to lower your voice."
   • It doesn't matter what he's yelling at you. If he's raising his voice to you, it's a problem.

2. 2

   Tell him it hurts your feelings if he puts you down. Your partner should be lifting you up and celebrating your accomplishments. However, a man who's verbally abusive may criticize your looks, accomplishments, talents, or interests. Speak up immediately if your guy says something hurtful. If he continues this behavior, consider breaking off the relationship because he's not treating you well.^[12]

   • He may say, "You don't look good in that," "Wow, you're putting on a lot of weight," "That hobby is stupid," or "Your degree was easy. What's the big deal?"
   • He might frame his criticisms like compliments, but they're still mean. He could say things like, "I like your fat thighs," "I don't care what anyone else says. I think your singing voice is beautiful," or "I'm proud of you for taking a job no one else wants."

3. 3

   Ask him to stop if he calls you names, including mean pet names. Name calling is a big no-no in a relationship and is considered verbal abuse. He may try to excuse it afterwards by saying he was upset, but it's still not okay. Consider it a red flag if he resorts to name calling during fights. Additionally, don't let him call you pet names that hurt your feelings.^[13]

   • For instance, he may call you a "slut" or "B-word" during a fight.
   • Mean pet names could include something like, "Sloth" or "Cheese butt." If a nickname doesn't feel cute and fun to you, tell him you don't like it. Say, "It hurts my feelings when you say that. Please stop." If he doesn't, he's not respecting your feelings.

4. 4

   Call him out if he embarrasses you, even as a joke. Your partner should be your champion. Under no circumstances should he be getting a laugh at your expense or revealing personal stuff about you to others. It might not seem like it at first, but this is a form of verbal abuse. Talk to him after the first time he does this so he knows it wasn't okay. If he does it again, it might be time to break up.^[14]

   • Let's say you're having dinner with your man's friends. It's not okay for him to entertain them by sharing embarrassing stories you told him in confidence. Your secrets should be his secrets.
   • Similarly, it's not okay for him to say things like, "You have to remember that my wife is as sharp as a baseball."

5. 5

   Listen for threats of violence against you or someone else. You should always feel safe and secure with the people you love, but a verbally abusive man may threaten you. Be wary over any threats of violence because it's a sign he may be dangerous. Even if he never follows through, it's still not acceptable for him to scare you like that.^[15]

   • He might say things like, "I'll force you to get in the car if I have to," "If I see you with him again, I'm going to blow up," or "Don't make me take matters into my own hands."
   • If you're LGBTQ+, he may try to use your sexuality against you, which is never okay. If a man threatens to out you or expose your sexual history, he's acting abusive, so reach out for support. Also, remember that there's nothing wrong with you, so don't feel bad about being who you are.

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1. 1

   Watch for big mood swings and changes in personality. Abusive men often make you feel like you live with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. During good times, he may be kind and loving, especially in public. When he gets upset, however, he may lash out at you and seem like a totally different person. Be careful if you're with a man who has these types of mood swings, even if he hasn't become physically abusive yet.^[16]

   • For example, he might give you compliments and flowers 1 day, but the next day he might rip up the flowers because he's mad at you.
   • His Dr. Hyde persona might start out with yelling and insults, but physical abuse can be just around the corner.
   • It's common for abusive men to act like a perfect gentleman around other people so they can control what people think about your relationship. Don't trust his public persona if he acts differently when you're alone.

2. 2

   Leave the room if he throws or breaks things when he's angry. You likely feel very scared if your man has started throwing or breaking things. This type of behavior is never okay, and it's not your fault that he's acting like this. Get yourself to a safe place right away if he lashes out in anger. Don't take the risk that he'll hurt or injure you.^[17]

   • You might excuse yourself to the bathroom. Say, "I need to pee. I'll be right back." Stay in there until he calms down.
   • If you can, call someone for help or to pick you up. Tell them that your partner is being aggressive before they get there.
   • If you want to stay with this guy, ask him to attend couple's therapy with you. He needs to work on his anger issues because it's not okay from him to act this way.

3. 3

   Go somewhere safe if he uses force during sex, even if it's playful. If your boyfriend has forced you to have sex or hurt you during sex, it's a form of sexual assault. You get to make choices about when and how you have sex. Even if you're in a consensual relationship with this guy, it's never okay for him to pressure you into sex or to push your boundaries. If this happens, tell someone you trust and ask them to help you find a safe place to stay.^[18]

   • This might include things like biting you during sex, spanking you, or doing "moves" you told him you don't like. If you haven't consented to something, it's not okay.
   • Please reconsider your relationship with this guy. He's not respecting your body or your boundaries.
   • Talk to a therapist about what happened to help you heal. Going through this type of abuse is very difficult, and you might need help coping with it.

4. 4

   Get help if he uses any type of physical force or violence. You may be questioning whether or not your man is abusive if he's only hit you once or twice. However, 1 time is too many. Even if he apologizes, it's likely he'll do it again. Don't tolerate any violence toward you.^[19]

   • Violence includes actions like hitting you, slapping you, pulling your arm, kicking you, or strangling you.
   • Physical force could include pushing you, bumping hard against you on purpose, or restraining you.
   • This includes things he's done in the past. If he admits to hitting a past partner, it's a big red flag that he might abuse you, too.

5. 5

   Expect "honeymoon" phases where he apologizes and promises change. After your partner acts abusively, it may feel really good to hear an apology. In some cases, he may even give you gifts and positive attention. This is a common tactic that abusers use to keep their victims from leaving, so don't trust his promises to be different. If your man is abusive, talk to someone you trust so they can get you the help you need to leave.^[20]

   • For instance, let's say your partner pushed you against the wall during a fight. Afterwards, he may say, "I'm so sorry. That's not the man I want to be." Then, he might bring you a bouquet of roses or may take you out to dinner. Don't believe that he's going to change, as he'll likely do it again.
   • He may try to blame you for the abuse by saying something like, "You pushed me past my limit," or "I don't want to hit you, but you make me so mad." These statements are lies. You are not responsible for his behavior, and you don't deserve to be treated this way.

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Add New Question

• Question

  What resources are available if you're in an abusive relationship?

  

  Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

  

  Marriage & Family Therapist

  Expert Answer

  There are many resources available for abused individuals, including crisis hotlines, counseling, shelters, legal services, childcare, and job training. By reaching out to these places today, you can gain greater confidence in leaving the abusive relationship when you're ready.

• Question

  How can I overcome the fear of leaving?

  

  Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

  

  Marriage & Family Therapist

  Expert Answer

  Being afraid is natural. You'll fear your partner, you'll be concerned for your kids, you'll fear the uncertainty. Yet, you must face those fears by knowing you are doing what is right. Remind yourself that leaving is an opportunity to grow and start a better life. It's also helpful to create a safety plan in advance so you feel more prepared to leave. Locate a safe place to stay, prepare what you need and be ready to leave, and inform trusted individuals of what's going on.

• Question

  Should I keep track or log any instances of my boyfriend's abusive behavior?

  

  Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

  

  Marriage & Family Therapist

  Expert Answer

  Yes, you should create a journal (and keep it in a safe place) and log all abusive incidences, registering dates, times, events, and threats made, if possible. You should also keep any evidence of abuse, such as pictures of injuries, texts, emails, etc, to build a case against your boyfriend.

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• If you decide to break up with him, do it in a public place and make sure someone knows where you are. You might also do it over the phone. Everything is probably going to be okay, but it's best to be safety-minded.

• If you decide to leave an abusive man, break all ties with him unless you have children together and legally can't. He may not leave you alone if you try to stay friends.

• Get help as soon as you experience any form of abuse. He may apologize and promise it won't happen again, but it likely will. You deserve to be treated well!

• Abuse is never your fault, and you deserve love. Never blame yourself for what someone does to you.^[21]

• Keep in touch with your friends and family, even if he tries to stop you. Your loved ones are your support system.^[22]

• If you're planning on leaving an abusive relationship, have a safety plan in place. Figure out a place to stay if necessary, and try to save up some money to support yourself. Have a list of emergency contacts in case you need it, like the phone numbers to local shelters and a domestic violence hotline. Prioritize your safety when you're preparing to leave.^[23]

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• Be prepared for an abusive guy to apologize and act like a changed man. In most cases, these changes are temporary, so keep your guard up.

• Don't stay with a guy if you suspect he may be abusive. His behavior will likely get worse, and it'll get harder to leave as time goes on.^[24]

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About This Article

Article Summary X

To recognize the signs of an abusive man, pay close attention if he is too quick to become exclusive or shows signs of intense jealousy, since this indicates the extreme behaviors common in abusers. Try talking to him about feelings, and monitor his reaction, because abusers often struggle to talk about emotions. If he shows signs of violence, like punching walls, or has a history of abuse, those are strong signs that he will continue abusive behavior in your relationship. To learn more from our Professional Counselor co-author, like how to evaluate your relationship, keep reading the article!

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Source: https://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-Signs-of-an-Abusive-Man

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